Knowing What you Want
At Whatever Stage of Growing Up you Are
“Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now, take what's left and live it properly. What doesn't transmit light creates its own darkness.”
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
IT’S NOT JUST FOR KIDS!
What do you want for your life? What do you want to do have and be? I know so many young people who are struggling with this question and over the course of my life and career as a financial planner I was surprised to learn how many adults in every decade of life also are in the same boat.
I want to dive into this subject more deeply with several pieces, but today I just want to review an exercise I’ve discussed many times in other episodes and it’s similar to the advice that my favorite stoic philosopher/roman emperor Marcus Aurelius gave nearly 2,000 years ago.
BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND…YOUR END
I did the exercise many times in different ways over the years and it has always been very helpful.
Decide right now, how long you will live. Write down the exact age you’ll be when you die. Now write down in as much detail as you can all the things you accomplished in your lifetime. What is your life like, what did you do? Who is in your life? Who did you meet? Where did you go? What have you seen, experienced, eaten, read, discovered, or explored. What are you like as a person? What qualities do you have. How have you grown? Who have you helped?
This isn’t an easy exercise, especially if you are like I was, and that is I was afraid for many years to be honest about what I really wanted so I described the life I thought I was supposed to want. What my friends, family, peers, and spouse wanted. It wasn’t until the pain from the death of my parents and my marriage broke me down enough that I couldn’t hold up that facade any longer. This period opened my heart to asking for help and began my journey that is still unfolding today.
If you’re having a hard time knowing what you want to do have or be consider:
Trying that exercise without judgement. Without editing yourself as to what is practical or what everyone around you is doing or has done.
If you are struggling or fighting against a reoccurring dream write it down anyway. If you have to, describe it as if you were writing a fiction or biography about someone else. Write it down in every detail you can imagine like you are trying to capture a beautiful or amazing thing for history! Sometimes if we distance ourselves from something we are nervous about it is easier to look at. This is a method used in shadow work that I highly recommend. The Untethered Soul and Knowing Your Shadow by Augustus Masters, PhD were both helpful to me along with doing shadow work with a therapist. In addition, the 3-2-1 Method described HERE is very helpful. All of these practice can help shine light into the recesses of your soul and see what your heart really wants.
Imagine that you had just won the lottery and that money was no longer the issue. What would you do then? If you had all the time money and resources you needed to live the life you want? Capture what that life is and distill it down into the core values you are seeking.
Time will keep marching on at what feels like an ever increasing velocity. Give this gift to yourself. Figure out why you’re here. If you don’t know, make that your number 1 goal and keep at it. When you figure out what that is you will never need to motivate yourself again. A fire will light in you that will fuel your energy as you work to realize your dreams.
Do it now.
Here’s the podcast that goes along with this essay:
Episode 90: Knowing What you Want, Thoughts and Exercises to Help You On Your Journey
I also mentioned The Meditations, by Marcus Aurelius, if you’re interested in stoic philosophy.